I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
