Sry I called you an 8
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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