No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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