So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
