After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
