Can Purell be used as lube?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
