I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
