Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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