jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize