I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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