The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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