Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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