I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
