Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
