I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
