she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
