Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
