Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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