these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The struggles of a small town man whore
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
