Whod you bang
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
