Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
