My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
