I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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