White coat. Heels.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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