similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
