I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
