i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
