If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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