shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
