just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
