So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
