I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
