textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
