I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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