Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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