Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
