my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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