is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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