I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize