oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
