Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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