i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
