i think i have two assholes
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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