I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
