Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
