you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
