Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
