You can't motorboat a personality
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
