if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
