sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
