Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
