Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
