Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
