she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
