when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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