So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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