i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
