hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
