There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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