don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
