It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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