Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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