i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
