She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
