I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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