Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
