Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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