hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
