its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
