I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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