The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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