I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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